


Carrying the memories

by keita52



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 08:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6463144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keita52/pseuds/keita52
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a simple meeting. But it's the hardest thing Ashley Williams has ever done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carrying the memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nanrea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanrea/gifts).



> A little bit of self-indulgent angst.

Chief Ashley Williams, most recently of the SSV Normandy but currently without an assignment, had been through a lot since she was first assigned to Eden Prime. Saren’s attack and the destruction of the 212, joining the Normandy and following Jane Shepard to Therum, to Noveria, to Feros and Virmire. (She’s almost stopped flinching at that name. Almost.)

Somehow, all of that seemed to pale in comparison to the meeting she was walking towards right now.

The experience of serving under Shepard should have prepared her for anything, Ashley thought ruefully. Shepard had been the hardest commander that Ashley had ever worked for. Ruthless, driven, absolutely determined - she worked her crew hard and herself twice as hard to ensure that the job got done. Counting the number of times that they found Shepard passed out from exhaustion (or from Chakwas slipping her something to _make_ her pass out) had been one of the crew’s favorite pastimes.

In fact, the person who had first started that was …

Ashley halted in the middle of sidewalk. She still had a couple of blocks to go - she’d parked the car some distance away to give herself the extra time to prepare for this meeting. She was beginning to regret that decision. It was just giving her more time to dwell on the painful circumstances that had led her here.

She looked at the ground. Hiding from that pain was a luxury that she simply didn’t have anymore. She closed her eyes and forced herself to finish the thought, to relive the painful memory.

* * *

_“That’s five.”_

_Ashley turned to look at Kaidan Alenko, sitting at the table across from the passed-out Commander Shepard. She arched an eyebrow. “Five?”_

_“Times that I’ve found Shepard like this,” Alenko replied._

_“Huh.” Ashley had noticed that tendency as well, but she hadn’t thought to keep count. The idea felt wrong, like she was storing up information to use_ against _her commanding officer._

_Alenko flashed her a brilliant smile. “Don’t worry, it’s only for entertainment purposes. I’ve got a bet going with Wrex. About who gets to twenty first.”_

_“What are the stakes?” Ashley found herself asking._

_“Loser buys the winner drinks at Flux.”_

_“You’d better hope you win. I’m pretty sure that Wrex could drink you under the table three times over.”_

_Alenko laughed. “Yeah, probably.” He paused. “Want to help?”_

_Ashley arched an eyebrow. “Isn’t that cheating?”_

_“I never said I would count all the times myself.”_

_Well, well. Ashley’s previous assessment of Alenko as a goody two-shoes had been somewhat off. The smile she gave him as she took the chair next to the unconscious Shepard was more genuine. “Guess that works,” she said. “Not like I’ve got anything better to do with my free time.”_

_“Really?” The word came out fast, in genuine surprise. “I - uh - that’s a shame.”_

_Ashley’s face grew hot, but she forced herself not to look away. She wasn’t so easily flustered. Not even by someone as devastatingly attractive as Kaidan Alenko._

_Besides, if she got flustered, there was little chance of anything more happening between them. And this wasn’t the first time she’d caught a hint of interest from Alenko._

_“Well, since I’m going to help you win the bet, that means I’ll be seeing more of you,” she said, her voice carefully controlled so as to seem casual. The heat in Alenko’s face made an answering flush start from her stomach and spread throughout her entire body. Oh, yeah. He was interested._

_Ashley made her own little bet then, about how long it would take to get Alenko in her bed._

* * *

The cold Vancouver wind bit at Ashley’s tear-stained cheeks. She reached up a hand to wipe the wetness away. She never used to cry. Before the Normandy - before Kaidan Alenko, before Jane Shepard - the last time she had cried had been after her father’s funeral. Ashley had held it together during the funeral because her little sisters needed her to be strong. Only when she had finally gotten a moment to herself for the first time in weeks had she broke down and wept for him.

During Kaidan’s memorial, she had been too numb to cry. Too stunned at the suddenness of it, too angry with Shepard over letting him die at Ashley’s expense -

Too bitter and angry with herself, for falling in love with him when she should have known that it would only end badly.

Shepard’s memorial was less than a week away, and Ashley was very much afraid that she was going to embarrass herself by bawling the entire time.

She took a deep breath and pushed away the sorrow. Suppressing memories of Kaidan and Shepard wouldn’t help, but dwelling on the pain for too long wasn’t healthy either. She had more than just herself to think about, these days.

Ashley kept walking, checking her omni-tool to make sure that she was headed for the right house. She hadn’t needed to do that. She had the house memorized, had even looked up the public street pictures so that she’d be sure to recognize it. She counted the numbers to herself as she walked. 10435, 10437, 39…

10441\. It matched the pictures she’d seen. It was about the same size as all the others on the block, the same generic shade of blue, its only distinguishing feature being the half-mast Systems Alliance flag out front.

Ashley strode up the walkway and tried to keep her hands from trembling. One final deep breath, and then she rang the doorbell and waited for an answer.

“Coming!” a deep voice said from inside the house. Ashley heard echoes of Kaidan in that voice, and she forced herself to look straight forward and not at her feet.

Kaidan’s father opened the door. “What can I …” he began, and trailed off when he saw her.

Ashley saluted. It was a silly gesture - Kaidan’s family wasn’t military like hers - but it calmed her still-jittery nerves a bit. “Sir. I’m Chief Ashley Williams.”

“I … I know who you are,” the elder Alenko said. Mark. That was his name. “Kaidan told us about you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything at his memorial,” Ashley said. “I was … overwhelmed.”

Mark Alenko nodded. “I could tell. No hard feelings.” His gaze shifted down from her face to her rounded belly. She saw him draw the obvious conclusion. “You weren’t showing then. How long…”

“Six months.” Ashley continued to watch his face. Saw him do the math.

“I see.” He stepped aside, giving her a clear view of the inside of the house. It looked warm and inviting, a cozy place to sit and look out over the bay. “Would you like to come inside?”

“Yes, sir,” Ashley said, stepping over the threshold.

“Call me Mark.” The man hesitated. “We’re … practically family.”

Ashley nodded. “My family calls me Ash,” she said to her baby’s grandfather as he closed the door behind them.


End file.
